You’re thinking “haven’t I endured enough pain” at this point. I’m sick of the restless nights, aching in the pit of my stomach routine. Isn’t there some magic bullet that will take care of it all for me?
Sorry. But you “gotta get tough, or die.” Something an old football coach use to say to me.
What I mean by all this is that you can win your gal or wife back…but you must be ready, willing and able to deal with the most pressing question of the day.
“What Went Wrong Between The Two of You?”
Look at everything with logic. Answer the question, what did you do cause the breakup. Were you inattentive, arrogant, or just plain indifferent? Don’t work on “putting the blame” on her. You will undoubtedly sabotage any chance you might have of winning your ex back.
For the most part, you will find the answer to this important question was more than just a “one-time event.” More than likely, it was something that was rooted in your relationship. Were you meeting her emotional needs? Was her desire to be heard and not “fixed” or “judged” met? These are common areas where most men are lacking. We are not great listeners. Our testosterone fuels us “to get things done now” instead of listening with unconditional love.
“Can You Change?”
Another big question. But it may help you win her back. So if that’s really what your end goal is, commit to making that change.
Start by apologizing or asking for forgiveness. And be prepared: the process never goes fast enough for us. Women take a very slow path and with good cause. After all, do you really want to listen to someone who is somewhat scattered or confused. Patience is an absolute virtue here.
You might want to get back right away. But don’t expect it from her. Women have to deal with emotional issues in their own deliberate way. Pushing things too quickly will only make her angry. The key here is to tell her you will change and then tell her specifically what it is you will do.
“Can We Talk?”
More to the point, you need to talk about the things that both of you can do to improve your relationship now and the next day and next month. Remember that old saying: if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
If you got into fights over money or sex or the kids, you really need to talk about some simple things you promise to do should you see a storm brewing on the horizon. Maybe you devise a plan to say to each other “shall we take a walk?” Or, resolve that your heads will not hit the pillows at night if either of you is angry.
Finally to demonstrate that the relationship is at the top of your priority list, talk regularly about how you and she can continue to improve the relationship. Assess your partnering contributions. And you’ll soon find that pain long gone and forgotten.